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Acey's Magic HbA1c Guessing Gizmo-atron 5000
1. Think of a number between 1 and 10
2. Add 80 (What your Endo charges for a 5 minute consultation)
3. Multiply by 25 (How long you'll wait for that 5 minute
consultation)
4. Add 5 if you've had your D day this year, or 4 if it's still to
come (The time of year you were diagnosed affects your HbA1c?as does
Jupiters position in the southern sky in relation to the constellation
depicting the Norse Thunder God)
5. Take away the year you were diagnosed (For determining the style of
treatment you were subjected to in the early years of your D)
6. Add 160 (Current market price for Lantus)
7. Take away the number of full years you've had D (Either very
important or completely irrelevent when it comes to working out your
chance of complications- depending on who you talk to)
8. Divide by 5 (How far away the cure was when you were diagnosed)
9. Take away 4 (The average number of injections the standard pen or
syringe user goes through each day)
10. Divide by 5 (How far away the cure still is)
11. Take away the number you first thought of (Because there are some
tasks that these things ALWAYS ask you to do.
Ta-Da! Your super-accurate, highly repeatable HbA1c.
Caution: Any resemblance that this result bears to your actual HbA1c
is entirely co-incidental. Please do not use the Gizmo-atron 5000 as a
means of validating your decision to increase your consumption of
chocolate doughnuts at morning tea, or to have children. Not to be
used as a floatation device. Batteries not included.